Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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