I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am puke
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i can't believe i had my finger in that
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
