I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
