i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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