I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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