Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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