She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
