When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
