Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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