My room smells like vodka and shame
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
