Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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