i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
