i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
