He disabled his match.com account in front of me
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Life is so much better after having sex.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
