So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
