Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
