so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
