just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
