im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
