Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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