Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
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