you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
