I bet he comes in French.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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