And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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