Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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