I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
