I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
