I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
