apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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