I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
