Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
