I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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