hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
