I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
