Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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