I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
