Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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