I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
