oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
