Barsexuality is the new black.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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