i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
