Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
