i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
