Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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