I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
if only i could text you this smell
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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