I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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