She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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