when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
