I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
