I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
