my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
