highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
