Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
