I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize