so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
