Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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