Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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