i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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