He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize