You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize