They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
FUCK WHALES
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