i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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