I saw his package. It spoke to me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
