if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
