Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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