Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
