I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
