Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
