I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
