my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
