its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize