Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think people are normalizing furries
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
